Ever wonder how to really stand out at the next wedding you attend? It’s easy: just be the worst guest there! Not only will you succeed in making memories, but you can be sure those memories will last for years and years (unlike your friendship with the bride and groom, that is). If you’ve already brushed up on some common wedding guest fails, here are a few more surefire ways to make sure you’re the least-loved guest in attendance.
Be a Gossip
Everyone loves a gossip. If there’s any way to stir up drama between the two families, or among the members of the wedding party, do it and you’ll win the “worst guest” award for sure! Speculate how long the marriage will last, whether the couple will make incompetent parents, and whether the groom married “beneath his station.” Any time you don’t see the bride or groom in your line of vision, start grabbing guests by their elbows and whispering questions about whether anyone saw the missing newlywed disappear into a broom closet with the head of the catering staff.
If your own wedding day is behind you, be sure to compare your celebration to the one you’re attending. Mutter about how you served lobster and filet mignon to your guests, no matter that your wedding was only half as big. Be sure to speculate how much your current hosts spent per plate–it’s never enough!
Be Too Inclusive
Not your wedding? Not a problem. You can still invite all your friends, regardless of whether they know the lucky couple! All you have to do is photocopy the wedding invitation you received and forward it on to the additional guests you’re sure the couple meant to include. If you don’t have a scanner handy, don’t worry–lots of bad guests (usually members of the bride’s or groom’s family) invite additional guests by word of mouth. After all, the more the merrier–especially when you’re not the one footing the bill!
When you get your invitation, don’t worry if it just has your name on it–surely the couple meant to invite your entire family, too! Don’t even stop to ask. Just bring your six young children anyway. A wedding is always a lot livelier with a pack of kids running around or lending their happy voices to the ceremony vows. So what if they knock a few things over? Supervising them will only stifle their ability to celebrate the special occasion.
Get Too Romantic
Since romance is in the air, a wedding is the perfect time to stir up some romance of your own. Grab one of the disposable cameras off the reception tables and disappear into the bathroom to take naughty pictures with your favorite bridesmaid. Don’t forget to leave the camera on the table for the bride’s family to develop!
If you’re single, a wedding is the perfect opportunity to meet the love of your life. Every time you meet a new friend of the bride or groom, check for a ring and start throwing out one cheesy pick-up line after another. If you really want to score “bad guest” points, though, nothing beats asking the groom’s little sister to a slow dance.
Get Angry
Just because two other people are enjoying a special day, you don’t necessarily have to be on your best behavior. Go ahead and grab a few free drinks at the open bar, then sidle up to your ex-wife and deliver a few barbed remarks about the date she brought. Since weddings bring together relatives and friends who haven’t seen each other in years, it’s the perfect time to rekindle old arguments!
Break the Dress Code
No, breaking the dress code isn’t about little fashion mistakes like mixing two shades of black or wearing your cuffs too long. In order to really qualify for “worst guest,” you have to go above and beyond the fashion spectrum. Dress provocatively, wear shorts and flip flops, or come in costume when it’s not a costume wedding.
When you really want to make your mark as a bad guest, just wear a white dress to the wedding–and top it off with a sparkly tiara. (If you’re a woman, that is. If you’re a man, no one’s likely to mistake you for the bride, but you’ll probably become the center of attention for other reasons.) As long as you steal the spotlight, you’re a shoo-in for “worst wedding guest.”
Be an Extra Photographer
When the couple only hired one photographer for their wedding, they probably made a mistake. After all, how could one person possibly capture all of the special moments of the day? Pull out your grainy cell phone and start snapping away–bonus points if you get in the professional photographer’s way during the “just married” kiss! If you time your shots just right, you’ll be able to flash your camera’s bright light at all the right moments to wash out the colors as the pro camera snaps its shots. Ruining the professional pictures is great, though; that way you can tell the couple how lucky they are to have had you and your phone as back-ups!
When it comes down to it, capturing a “bad guest” prize is easy. Just do whatever you can to steal the limelight and interrupt the couple’s big day. If you don’t feel comfortable being the center of negative attention, however, don’t despair. There are plenty of other guests who are eager to fill the role. Send this article to the people you think are most likely to spoil the upcoming wedding so they can get a head start on modifying their behavior. They may not have it in them to be the best guests at the wedding, but at least they can still stand out by being the absolute worst.T
GAEA DENKER-LEHRMAN